We all love our independence. The thought of being bound to someone for the rest of our lives may scare us. Sometimes, your partner may develop a fear of committing, especially when you pop up the big question. Fear of commitment is one of the reasons for the rise in ‘come-we-stay-in’ relationship. Your partner may receive/enjoy perks of being in a relationship and yet there is still an open exit strategy should there be a need for it. What can be done and how to fix a relationship which has a commitment phobic partner?
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One of the reasons for your partner’s commitment phobe is the fear of loss of freedom. Remember the time when you yearned to hit the 18-year old mark so that you can gain your own independence and make your own decisions? The thought of that freedom being taken away from your partner may make him/her run for the hills at the sound of commitment. To deal with this, give your partner his/her space. Give your partner his/her own time and pleasure to pursue his/her own interests. Allow your partner to make his/her own rules in the relationship. Making your partner feel ensnared to follow your rules and do things your way may add fuel to his commitment phobia.
The adage goes: “The grass is greener on the other side”. Your partner may fear commitment with the belief that he/she may miss out on something greater out there if he/she commits to you. To avert this, make your partner feel like the grass cannot get any greener elsewhere. Building a relationship in an environment of love, trust, care and support will assist your partner who has fear of commitment on how to fix a relationship. Make your partner feel that he/she would rather be with you than with another person. Being available for your partner whether emotionally, physically and mentally will give him/her the security and confidence of being in the relationship.
Giving Your Partner Ultimatum
Ultimatums are a no go zone if your partner is a commitment phobe. It may be overwhelming to you for having to wait and uncertain as to whether your partner will ever come around. This may lead you to become impatient and give your partner conditions. However, the option to leave rather than stay is likely to be more attractive to a commitment phobic partner. The chances that you can learn how to fix a relationship after your partner leaves are likely to be very minimal. Resist from the temptation to pressure your partner. Allow your partner to make the decision to commit when he/she is truly ready and sure about it. Otherwise, yours will probably not be a happy marriage. Your partner may blame and despise you for any issues that crop up in your marriage eventually.
It has been said over and over again how the true colors of a person are revealed after marriage. You may be the perfect partner. However, your partner may still have mistrust or doubts about you. Building your relationship in an environment of trust and open communication may help your partner get over his/her doubts about you. Try to share as much as possible about yourself, be it good or bad to your partner while dating. This way, he/she can make a decision with a clear mind whether or not he/she should commit to you. Make your partner feel secure that the person he/she commits to will remain the same for many years to come.
Be patient with your partner. Commitment phobia may be from past relationships or experiences. He/she may have had his/her heart broken one too many times. He/she may have gone through childhood watching his/her parents argued, separated and eventually divorced. These experiences may make your partner hold back on commitment. With such deep-rooted issues, getting over the fear of commitment takes time. Be there for your partner and support him/her while he/she goes through trying to get over commitment phobia.
